rising to the… bottom

I’ve had many little chips in who I thought I was lately… shaking my ideas of success in ways I didn’t know I was still clinging to.

You see, when my husband quit his secure and well-paying job 3 years ago to start his own accounting firm that gives away profits, I thought I had shrugged off the American Dream. I thought I had walked away from making financial security an idol.

Reading Interrupted by Jen Hatmaker was the first thing to make me realize that there is still a part of my selfish soul that wants to rise to the top. I want to be a good girl and do a good job (at my job, at motherhood, at being a wife, even at being a child of God) and gosh darn it, I want people to notice and like me. Sinking to the bottom scared me deep inside, if I’m really honest.

Then I discovered the Flower Patch Farmgirl. And cried while reading her family’s story.

It’s not that I necessarily think that it’s what God has called to be MY story, but if He did… How would I respond?

I’d kind of forgotten how compelling the Spirit is. He is the fresh wind everyone is looking for. He reminds me I am a member of a grand assembly that inspires and stirs and empowers. On bad days, when I secretly whisper, ‘Is this all there is?’ the Spirit urges me to join Him at the bottom, where the best grassroots movements have always begun. He is the new I was craving when I realized my heart was dry. Paul explained that ‘we serve in the new way of the Spirit’ (Romans 7:6), and I deeply considered that for the first time.” -Jen Hatmaker